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Did you ever notice how when a child doesn’t listen to you, you don’t take it personally? You know it’s just part of children being children and you simply go about finding a way to help them focus their attention and get on board with what you need them to do. But when a parent doesn’t seem to get the message, it can turn into a feeling of personal insult! You think to yourself, “How inconsiderate! They have no respect for my time or my feelings!”
It’s weird almost. Why are our reactions to adults so much different than our reactions to their children under similar circumstances? I was thinking, when little Johnny takes an extra 15 minutes at nap time to finally settle down (cutting into “my quiet time”), it’s just a routine situation to deal with and then it’s forgotten. But when his parent shows up 15 minutes late to pick him up, it’s a major issue that I don’t soon forget! I have all kinds of thoughts about what it means about them, me, and the relationship going forward…
I’ve been asking myself – “what’s the difference here?”, “what’s really going on?”. What I noticed was that in one situation, I feel calm and empowered and in the other I feel powerless and frustrated. What is making that difference in MY experience over the same “lost” 15 minutes?
I have some thoughts about it, but was wondering what yours might be?
I am not a provider but I do work with many family providers every day. I am an early care adult educator. I noticed that when parents are late providers tend to feel used and abused. Since your business is in your home it is an invasion of your privacy. Up until closing your home is open to children, families and licensors. So you are eager to have your privacy at the end of the day. The provider begins thinking about what the parent is doing. Is the parent even working. Is the parent getting their nails don or food shopping. Here is what I tell them, at the end of the day the only thing that matters is the children and you make a difference in their life. If a parent is 15 minutes late, you should charge them as you told them you would during your intake. If you begin to charge them the late fee they will make sure that they are on time to pick up their child. Good Luck, Liz
It comes down to expectations. I don’t expect children to always listen they are still in training, however, I do expect their parents to be responsible!
Robyn
The difference between my reactions to the parents in my program versus the children in my program are simple…children are still learning social/cultural “rules”, which is a part of what we teach in our Early Childhood Programs, so it is easy for me to be patient and understanding. Parents on the other hand should already know and be practicing their social skills and societies unspoken common courtesy’s. In other words, I shouldn’t have to teach parents too. After all, don’t they use these skills in their everyday dealings with their families, co workers, professional contacts, and friends? Why should I be any different? When I am treated with disrespect from the parents in my program it makes me feel as if they feel that my profession is somehow less important than their profession, or that my time doesn’t matter to them…which makes me angry. After all, would they leave a co worker, boss, spouse, or friend hanging without a phone call to say they were going to be late? Of course not!
I feel parents have matured hopefully by the time they are parents to know that your time is important and respecting it by not taking advantage of a situation like picking a child up on time, should be understood. Children are innocent and are not in control of all situations. Parents should have the ability to pace their time and make effort to make and meet certain criteria.
Well the 15 minutes with the child at nap time is part of our job.
The 15 late minutes from the parent is not part of our job. I have a late charge too but I do not want the money I want my time off.
However, it is important to have a late charge or I can tell you it will happen again and again. Never say its OK don’t worry, just bite your tounge and listen to their reason first, then decide if you want to waive the late fee or not.
The problem is that children hae a difficult time learning not just social skills, but even academics when their example at home either has never learned the skills or is not mature enough to implement them. The result is that we have immature parents raising children to never know what maturity looks like because it not exampled before them. Kids learn more by example than they do any other way and all adults – parents and teachers must make sure they are modeling behaviors that will train the children to act in a proper manner. In our center, when a child is brought to me because of continued discipline problems, I can tell you what the parents are like before I ever sit down to speak with them about their child’s behavior, because the old saying is very true – “The apple does not fall far from the tree.”
Yes, in today’s society, we must train the parents – there is no other way to change the behaviors and attitudes of the children. One thing I learned when I took my dog to obedience training – the teacher did not teach the dog, she taught me how to teach the dog. I am not saying in any way that children are dogs, but the principal of teaching is true in the family setting – we have to teach the parents so they will be able to teach the children verbally and by example.
I feel it is my job to teach thechildren in my care and it is the the relationship with the family that needs to be repectful of each other. Providers are business owner/operators and parents sometimes don’t get that because we are working in our homes.
Parents are adults and you think they should know better and show some respect to the teachers who are looking after their most precious children. Some parents feel that they can show up or talk to you with the lack of respect. We all want the same thing they are looking for on their jobs some one to show they care and respect what you do.
How can parents teach their children respect when they have none. Sometimes it feel like they think we are there for their needs only. We aren’t suppose to have families or lives outside of our homes or centers. We need to really let them know they can’t treat us this way and the way we do this is to stand up for ourselves. People treat us the way we let them.